By BruceNow, just to ensure I am not misleading anyone, the bible technically doesn't say, "spare the rod, spoil the child." But since everyone is familiar with the saying, I felt like it was fitting. (see Proverbs 13:24 or 23:13-14).
Late last week a father posted a video of him beating his two daughters for making an online video of themselves twerking! (if you don't know what twerking is then look it up!).
So is he a bad parent for spanking his kids? Is whooping your kid ever necessary? Is putting your kid on time out the best approach? When physical discipline was allowed in schools and by your neighbors, did we have a more well behaved youth? Or did we create a society of violence?
I grew up in a household where we received spankings all of the time. My dad was raised that way, my dad's dad was raised that way, therefore I was raised that way.
While timeouts and other disciplinary methods work for some parents and is encouraged by some child psychologists, other research shows corporal punishment forms more well-adjusted people later in life.
According to Physician magazine, "spanking should be used selectively for clear, deliberate misbehavior, especially a child's persistent defiance of a parent. Spanking works, but must be used thoughtfully and carefully in conjunction with other disciplinary measures."
In my opinion, COMMUNICATION in conjunction with progressive steps of discipline must go hand in hand.
When we were young, back in the day when we walked to school uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes on, we were spanked and that was it. (But, some of us had parents that spoke to us with each whip..."Didn't...I...Tell...You...). Once the spanking was over, there was no closure. Luckily, I understood my Dad completely. My sister on the other hand...not so much. (that is a whole separate blog so we won't go into my sister's life today...LOVE YOU SIS)
Fast forward to today. I have 3 beautiful, well behaved children that listen to me and listen well. I make sure they understand why they are being disciplined and at times asked them if they deserved a "shamwowpow." (aka spanking). If they said yes, I would ask how many and they would get exactly that. At times if they said none, I wouldn't do it at all.
In the end, I made sure they understood why discipline needed to happen and made sure that they knew I loved them. Ultimately, I use discipline as a way to "get their attention." If parents are dysfunctional and beat their kids out of habit or frustration from their own lives, then that's a problem.
Ultimately, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger! (it might make you bitter too...if that's the case, when will you let it go and remember what you should have learned?)
By Monika I am about to tell everyone why they should relax about this Brad Paisley/LL Cool J song... No Really...
Here's the thing: "Accidental Racist" isn't racist. I understand what Ta-Nehisi Coates is saying, Really I do. But...
It's ridiculous, sad, devoid of any reality,and above all, just horrible. But racist is kind of a stretch. OK Pressing Play...
To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main, I hope you understand
When I put on that t-shirt, the only thing I meant to say is I'm a Skynyrd fan
The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the south
And I just walked him right in the room
Just a proud rebel son with an 'ol can of worms
Lookin' like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view
Hey You, The guy that called him a racist... I blame you for this song... and everything that's wrong with it.
Playing the chorus...
I'm just a white man comin' to you from the southland
Tryin' to understand what it's like not to be
I'm proud of where I'm from but not everything we've done
And it ain't like you and me can re-write history
Our generation didn't start this nation
We're still pickin' up the pieces, walkin' on eggshells, fightin' over yesterday
And caught between southern pride and southern blame
STOP!!! sigh... Just stop it... Here's the problem..
Soo.... Black leaders went on the news, had interviews and even started a petition to get President Obama to speak about Gun Violence. The complaint by many, I suppose, is that while the President acknowledges Newtown and Aurora due to the Multiple killings. The Daily shootings in places like Oakland, Los Angeles and Chicago often go unrecognized.
So the President went to Chicago. And Spoke
"Two months ago, America mourned 26 innocent first-graders and their educators in Newtown. And today, I had the high honor of giving the highest civilian award I can give to the parent -- or the families of the educators who had been killed in Newtown. And there was something profound and uniquely heartbreaking and tragic, obviously, about a group of 6-year-olds being killed. But last year, there were 443 murders with a firearm on the streets of this city, and 65 of those victims were 18 and under. So that’s the equivalent of a Newtown every four months."
That Sounded pretty Good... Shows that he understands... But Black "leaders" always say that President Obama Needs to specifically speak on Black life. you know, so he can show he understands... Surely there's something he can do...
"Whether here in Chicago or the farthest reaches of rural America -- it can feel like for a lot of young people the future only extends to the next street corner or the outskirts of town; that no matter how much you work or how hard you try, your destiny was determined the moment you were born. There are entire neighborhoods where young people, they don’t see an example of somebody succeeding. And for a lot of young boys and young men, in particular, they don’t see an example of fathers or grandfathers, uncles, who are in a position to support families and be held up and respected."
There we go... This is the stuff that we have been yelling about wanting the President to say for years...
"There’s no more important ingredient for success, nothing that would be more important for us reducing violence than strong, stable families -- which means we should do more to promote marriage and encourage fatherhood. (Applause.) Don’t get me wrong -- as the son of a single mom, who gave everything she had to raise me with the help of my grandparents, I turned out okay. (Applause and laughter.) But -- no, no, but I think it’s -- so we’ve got single moms out here, they’re heroic in what they’re doing and we are so proud of them. (Applause.) But at the same time, I wish I had had a father who was around and involved."
And here is where it goes off the rails...
The President starts to speak, to some in a manner that is reflective of everything that was hated about the Romney Speech to the NAACP. Talking about how Marriage MUST be the solution and what can be done to make marriage so much more appealing.
There is no way the President could have gotten out of making this type of speech to this group of people. Some folks liked it. The "We need Black Fathers" speech is said by EVERYONE anyway. But somehow the President says it (again, he did it before in 2007), and folks are either mad or encouraged.
The challenge with this is that it gives an opening for the folks that consistently talk bad about us Single Mothers already. We are told how we are the blame for what's wrong with the Black community, we are the reasons our relationships break up, and now, the reason why our children are dying in the street. I am not an expert on all single parents. I do know that I hate to be told how horrible I should feel for a situation I can do nothing about right now.
But there is no Middle ground. As long as we put celebrities/politicians on higher standing than the rest of us, this debate is going to continue. My hope is for us to realize that some our best untapped resources are right under our noses. People that live in the real world with out handler's or People...they are the people whose words should be more valuable to us. They have been there. and by there, I mean EVERYWHERE... they have made the mistakes they are attempting to stop us from, many have survived the obstacle courses called our neighborhood.
As I stated, I'm not an expert on Single Parenthood. I am barely an expert of what goes on in my house. I do know that I value the folks around me that I actually know. and hopefully that will make the difference in the life of this child of mine.
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." ~ Arthur Ashe
By MonikaSo the Inauguration is over. The Oath has been said (twice)... Speeches were made, twitter was broken because of "The Bangs seen around the world". The First Children stole the show by being, well, normal...Jennifer Hudson sang "Let's Stay Together" and Alicia Keys sang the worst adaptation of a song ever in the form of "Obamas on Fire..." No, I'm serious... That song exists...
So in the Armchair quarterbacking of the Inauguration speech, many a pundit talked about what an Obama Second Term would entail, What The Administration is planning on and the "agendas" of each interest group.. you know.. Gays, Latinos/Hispanics, Seniors, young people, oh and as an after thought, Black Folks... Although an agenda is up and I have not been to one meeting....I would just like to point that out
We have heard about the folks in government or the "Big" organizations talk about what they are going to do. Their list is huge and, for the most part, recycled. Did you know that The West Wing is on Netflix? Yeah I am totally addicted to that show, Like completely. I'm on Season 5. Its ridiculous really ... Anyway, every issue on the that show (Filmed from 1999-2006) from the Middle East to Internet Privacy to Gun Control, is on that show and people were fighting then in real life on the exact same things as now...
So I thought I would put a spin on things a little: What are YOU going to do during this Second Term?
What are you passionate about? What are you going to do to make to make things better? How will you encourage the people around you to create change?
No, I'm serious.. There is no radio show, "Commentator," or "Leader" that can do things any better than you can. Just Because they are what we have, they don't have to be ALL we have. There's you. The search for a leader stops at your address. You got this thing.
We all have gifts we can use to make things better. Just pick something, it doesn't have to be big, work towards getting it done. You can blog or Podcast like us. or even do community service by going to a library or a shelter. Anything you do to help will leave a mark and make where you are better... So What are you going to do? I'll go first:
See, Simple... Now what's your #2ndTermActionPlan?
- I will help people develop their voices through a variety of Media Outlets
- I will tell what I know in the areas of Autism and Education to underrepresented areas
- I will teach my child how to be a benefit to our community
My nerd crush gets me. When she puts her words down on paper, she gets me even more! Yes...you guessed it. Melissa Harris-Perry.
In a letter to Sen. Reid she stated, "...senator, with all due respect–please grow a pair. Of ovaries. Maybe that’ll help you woman up and be more like your colleague, Sen. Dianne Feinstein."
Now, whether you are on the far right of gun control or to the far left you have to appreciate what's going on here.
1. How my wife MHP (in my mind of course) called out Harry Reid, and told him to grow a pair of ovaries
2. Calling out a democrat that has connections and close ties with the NRA (which I think is awesome because one party should not own anything)
3. Politics will never let you down when it comes to one thing - POWER!
So do you really think Sen. Reid will stick his neck out there for what the "party" believes is right but will make him unelectable? He barely won last time.
Overall, I am not here to dive into the gun control debate because it shows how people can be insensative on one side and totally innacurate on the other.
What I do want to dive into is how leaders need to be CALLED OUT! With that being said...do we have any leaders? Any leaders that can't be bought? Fearless when it comes to making the right decision? I know it's important to DO THINGS RIGHT, but we also need leaders that are ready to DO THE RIGHT THING?
I hope this movement begins today. When you get a chance, write down the contact information on a leader you follow or don't follow (or a so-called leader for that matter) and CALL THEM OUT!
If we do not keep our "leaders" accountable...WHO will? The NRA that uses the 2nd amendment as a defense even if it doesn't make common sense? Or the environmental groups that stop power projects that can create jobs and lower our energy costs?
It's 2013. Be heard. Don't be silenced. The Monikarchy is real...and if you don't know...you better ask somebody!
OK, So here's the thing... I LOVE to watch electronic sparring on Social Media... I swears I do! Shoot, I love to engage if there is an issue I am passionate about. I have done it many times... Like a BAWSE.. The Black Enterprise Article about How Working Black Women can't get a Man? Many beefs were started because of that and I was all over it... Celebrities resurrect their careers eBeefing and making up by the next award show or record release all things depending...
Although I do enjoy Beefs in the Social Network, The Social Network in my opinion, is either supposed to Be Fun, Entertaining or Informative. If you can't get a point across, what's the point right?
So I thought of some ways eBeefs can be more productive, entertaining and informative for the participants and the audience. I am guilty of many of these so I will try to be better when eBeefing:
1: Do You Even Have The Time For this: Its ridiculous for a participant to start a beef and then come back 5 hrs later thinking someone remembers what you were saying or who you were talking about. I remember discussing something (It wasn't beefing because I think we were just trying to get each other to understand), I left had a full day of activity and the person responded, like 7 hours later. By that time I had forgotten what we were even talking about.
2: Don't Go JackAss on Folks: The Worst thing you can do is have a bout of Jackassery and become completely disrespectful. For example: Dear Men, Stop stating how Bitter Women are (Which generally isn't true) to try to get your point across. Women aren't bitter because they disagree, they just don't agree. I see this a lot when the "Why Black Women Can't Get a Man" articles come out. Just stop it, OK? Good...
3: Don't come in from left field on other folks' eBeefs: I saw some dude this week go all on the 11th Hour in on a eBeef where he didn't belong in the nor was he needed. He was disruptive, Broke rule #2 and seemed generally uninformed and it showed. Its an indication that you readily go into things unprepared and shouldn't be relied upon.
4: Know that Celebrities will go In: Sometimes, we forget that before celebrities were supposedly "Above Some things," they had sharp tongues just like us... Recent pre-beefs with Yvette Nicole Brown and Chris Brown have shown that you going left on celebrities will get you the same response you give when someone goes left on you. They don't have to be "Above" these things. we aren't...
5: Remember that tomorrow is another day: eBeefs are awesome, but to extend frustration past the time of the actual eConvo will stress you out... Breathe, have some wine (or in my case, some Red Vines), and enjoy what's around you. In most cases, you will NEVER see that person in real life (IRL), and you can count that as a blessing.
Written by: BruceWe all need a purpose to do what we want to do. Without purpose, typically we fall short of our goals or go on to the next goal without completing the prior one. It's like signing up for a missions trip for your church because it sounds good but you never evaluated the purpose or whether its even your calling. In the end you decide to cancel on the trip or go on the missions trip and come back unfulfilled.
Now, according to Stephen Covey, author of Highly Effective People, states that "you will be off course 90% of the time."
With that being said, creating a MISSION STATEMENT, a written document full of collaboration, energy, & vision, is necessary to keeping us on track. We have values that we hold near. We need something to remind us of our values when we are confronted with confusion, indifference, fear, anger. For example, I have been a husband for 10 years and a father for 8 years now and I live solely for them. So when I come home, I see our family mission statement on the wall of my front entrance. On those days when I feel like going straight to the man room to turn on ESPN, I look at our creed, walk straight to my wife and kids, and hand out hugs, kisses, and admiration.
So. What is Big Daddy Bruce's blog mission statement you may ask? Well since this is my 1st "official" blog of 2013 (and my life in general), I will share my BD Blog Mission Statement so I can stay on track while the blogosphere holds me accountable.
The mission of the BD Blogs is to educate, inspire, and encourage young adults all around the world in their spiritual growth, leadership development, and family values.
Everything I do is for YOU...my people...which I feel is my calling. So...what is your mission? Your calling?